Warning: This post contains mentions of self harm.
Right now, my skin is on fire. It feels like maggots crawling underneath the surface. My mind is screaming. It wants blood.
This happens to me sometimes. When I get bad, I can catch myself reaching for a knife, or staring at the drawer in the kitchen where the sharp tools are. I have spoken about it in therapy. About how sometimes my brain gets to overdrive over the course of a few days and then it just goes snap. I try to not do anything stupid. I cant say that I dont want to. Because at try his point I dont know. A part of me really does. Another is afraid. Some other part of me doesn’t care.
And now, I feel like restless, I fidget trying to control this. I don’t know what to do with myself. I cant focus on anything as a distraction. My head won’t shut up. It just keeps going. On and on and on. Its like an itch, and no scratch besides that of a sharp tool can take it away. Well… I lie, of course. I try to just… wait it out. At times it goes away with time.
Its been two hours. I dont know at this point. I do not want time relapse. I dont want time oo do it again. But this feeling isn’t going away.