Mental Health

Warning: This post contains mentions of self harm.

*

*

*

Right now, my skin is on fire. It feels like maggots crawling underneath the surface. My mind is screaming. It wants blood. 

This happens to me sometimes. When I get bad, I can catch myself reaching for a knife, or staring at the drawer in the kitchen where the sharp tools are. I have spoken about it in therapy. About how sometimes my brain gets to overdrive over the course of a few days and then it just goes snap. I try to not do anything stupid. I cant say that I dont want to. Because at try his point I dont know. A part of me really does. Another is afraid. Some other part of me doesn’t care.

And now, I feel like restless, I fidget trying to control this. I don’t know what to do with myself. I cant focus on anything as a distraction. My head won’t shut up. It just keeps going. On and on and on. Its like an itch, and no scratch besides that of a sharp tool can take it away. Well… I lie, of course. I try to just… wait it out. At times it goes away with time. 

Its been two hours. I dont know at this point. I do not want time relapse. I dont want time oo do it again. But this feeling isn’t going away.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s