Mental Health · Relationships

Friends vs my brain

Let’s talk about my brain. I have… a thing. Something that I think many other people may relate to. I physically cannot tell who is my friend. I just can’t. Today, me and a group of friends had a bit of an argument centred around my partners DM skills (we play Dungeons and Dragons together) and some stuff about my playing character.

Not even an argument really, just a group of people raising their concerns. Not a big deal, right? But I spent the rest of the night with my brain screaming “see? they hate you! They think you are an attention seeking prick who ruins their fun every Wednesday.” Now… logically, I can tell myself that no, that’s probably not true, and that just because somebody has a few complaints, only one of which had anything to do with me. But I can’t… shake it, despite knowing the logical truth.

My brain just can’t accept it. They have to hate me. But it  got me thinking. Who are my friends? I don’t think I can consider anyone outside my partner a friend, because I don’t think they see me that way.  But I don’t really know… what makes someone my friend?

It feels like my brain just can’t accept the concept that someone cares. Like… I know people hang out with me but I always explain it with things like… people being polite. Or just allowing my existence because my partner is there. I can’y shake it, and with the rest of the bull happening with my brain…

This is really becoming too much.

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